She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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