I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
