So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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