FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
