You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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