Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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