it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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