goodnight i made you a song goodbye
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
