do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
