It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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