Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
