No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
