So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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