P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
