He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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