Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
