i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
