Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
