good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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