They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
