everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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