I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
