At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
