So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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