Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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