I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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