Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
