Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
