dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
