my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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