no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my being single is dangerous.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
