just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
