If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
