New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
