RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
