just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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