this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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