only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
