I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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