I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
