I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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