I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
