Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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