I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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