So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
