I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
