can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
