that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
COCAINE IS GR8
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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