I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
