Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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