Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
