U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
