I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
