i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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