alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
ttyl tear gas
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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