Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
