Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
