you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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